


Stop the parties

by LittleRoma



Category: Brooklyn nine-nine, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cracky, Darcy-centric, F/M, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6896680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRoma/pseuds/LittleRoma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis goes to her cousin Rosa Diaz's infamous hen night.  Hopefully funny</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop the parties

**Author's Note:**

> My university thing finished yesterday, so I wrote this all day. I should really not write when I'm in bed sick with pain but there you, this is one of my coping methods (the others being TV, books, music, Disney music, or Country Music). I hope you guys like this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Hmm, that was an unusual phone call. Why on Earth would Rosa Diaz be ringing to tell Darcy she was getting married? She had only been dating the guy for about a month, and while her cousin was strange, you should really learn more about the guy you're dating before becoming engaged, shouldn't you? Really, Rosa shouldn't have rang and shouldn't have told Darcy she was dating some cop that had formerly been undercover for years at a time, and to tell her that they were getting married. If Darcy didn't know her cousin any better, she would think there was a bun in the oven. But Rosa would just have the baby rather than force herself to get married, that of course begged the question of whether or not Rosa would carry the baby to term. Darcy genuinely wasn't sure where her cousin fell in the abortion debate, or if she even had an opinion. More information was needed.

“Hey Jane, that was my cousin Rosa Diaz she works over in Brooklyn. She just called to tell me, that she is engaged. To a guy she met about two months ago. They've been dating for around a month. That's a bit soon isn't it?” Darcy asked her friend and boss at the dinner table.

“It's probably a bit soon, but then I'm dating the guy I ran over twice and you tazed” Jane was dead pan in her delivery “why are you telling me?”

“Oh yeah, could I get off work next Tuesday and possibly Wednesday please? It's the Hen night, it's being spilt into three”

“Sure, do you know what you'll be doing?”

“Gina told me, for her portion of the night, we’re going to her nephews birthday party. It's paintball, so it's basically shoot a bunch of irritating snot-nosed thirteen year olds. Thirteen years who might I add think fart jokes are epitome of humour.”

“You laughed at the idea of the Hulk farting away his enemies yesterday”

“Hey, it was a funny image.”

XoXoXoX

Darcy had to work hard to hide the fact that Clint had been training her how to shoot (well it was more like when he was bored and she was hanging round waiting on Jane) when she was standing with the two other woman and Charles Boyle. She wasn't sure why Charles Boyle had been invited, she had just been introduced to the guy but to each their own, you know? She wasn't going to judge someone else's life choices. Her cousin and Charles were both pretty decent shots, being trained as part of the police. But Gina Linetti had really surprised her, damn but that woman could be vicious. She wouldn't be surprised if a few of the kids were left with bruising at the very least after THAT birthday party.

Amy Santiago had made her portion of the night a drinking game. Where you had to answer questions about Rosa and if you got them wrong you took a shot. Naturally, Rosa has never changed from the incredibly private (and slightly awkward) teenager, everybody was wasted. In fact Rosa did a hand stand completely hammered and knocked through a wall. If Amy wasn't drunk as well, she probably would have had words to say about the whole thing. Alas the woman was also drunk, so no one noticed that Darcy threw a few questions. In all honesty, she did know a good number of the questions (you couldn't grow up with someone and not know them) but she always threw them because she wanted Rosa to continue to cultivate her aloof personality. Thankfully, though Rosa may have shot her looks a few times she didn't say anything, maybe she was amused by her colleagues answers as Darcy was?

Before leaving Amy’s now thoroughly trashed home Gina staggered up to Darcy and slurred out “you're good at the shooting pew pew and you live somewhere shin Manhattan ares you the Black Widow?” It took Darcy a moment to translate what her new friend was trying to say  
“Yes, you've got me I'm totally the Black Widow, I dye my hair red before every fight and grow” Darcy deadpanned in reply.  
“No, you be right, you don't have her ass” when Darcy started to look a little insulted “no, no I mean your ass is fine but hers ish totally next level”

It was then Charles Boyle’s turn and from Gina’s groan of discontent they weren't really expecting much from the foodie man. When Charles announced that they were about to go to a restaurant. A weird little restaurant, that served only small intestines. At that point Darcy may have started looking round for a bucket to be sick in. At least before Boyle told the group they would be demolishing the restaurant.

Darcy thought that she had never had so much fun before – who knew how cathartic it could be to smash up a restaurant? She had never had so much fun using a sledgehammer, breaking dishes and just generally being chaotic.

XoXoXoX

The next afternoon Darcy was engaging in some of her hungover practice, she had commandeered the large common kitchen and started to bake an assortment of massive cakes, cookies, brownies. Along with cooking a massive pot roast, braised lamb, chicken casseroles and bread. Darcy on,y came out of her fugue cooking spree hours later when she looked up only to notice that the Avengers had walked in freezing when they saw her massive cooking spree.

“Ah Lady Darcy, did you enjoy the hen night last night?” Thor asked booming loudly.  
“Yeah, that, well that was a crazy night, I don't think I'd ever realised just how satisfying it could be to shoot a thirteen year old snit nosed little brat in the back” Darcy mused  
“Uh Miss Lewis, maybe you shouldn't go round shooting people. That's bad, that's really bad, especially not kids” Steve sanctimoniously spoke.  
Natasha raised her eyebrow at Steve’s words “is the kid dead Darce?”  
“Hmm? Oh, he's not dead, it was paintball and he was staring at the girls and being generally obnoxious and rude about everything” Darcy continued on as an afterthought “I also didn't shoot any of them in their private parts, they should be able to spawn later”

Darcy's phone started to ring with an unknown number she picked up the phone “Hello, this is Darcy Lewis at the inner city morgue speaking, you stab em we slab em, how may I help?”  
“Wait Darcy? What do you… No never mind, look I wanted to ring and tell you that Rosa's fiancé was shot last night by a contract killer hired by Jimmy Figgis the mobster. Oh this is Gina Linetti, Diaz is too angry to ring anyone. I'd better go here, bye!”  
Darcy hung up on the phone, giving her phone an odd look. Seems like her cousin maybe wasn't getting married after all?


End file.
